


Super Friends Assemble!

by hotchoco195



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comic canon villain, Costumes, Darcy is disgusted, FrostIron - Freeform, Gen, Gender bent villain, Humour, Just for funsies, M/M, Secret Hookups, The Avengers are the Justice League
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchoco195/pseuds/hotchoco195
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Avengers get a chance to live every child's dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tony woke up with his usual hangover, rolling away from the light that spilled through the curtains with a groan.

“Jarvis, full black out.”

There was no reply, and the room stayed exactly the same.

“Jarvis, damn it, I will transfer you into a toaster if you don’t close the damn blind!” Tony sat up, shoving his pillow aside angrily.

The billionaire stopped, stunned. This was not his bedroom. _Which explains the lack of AI…but raises many other questions_. Did he go home with someone? He couldn’t even remember where he’d been the night before, and he was starting to think Pepper might have a point about his drinking. It was a really nice room, even if it wasn’t his; very classical Gothic with big, ornate wooden furniture and those floor-to-ceiling windows with long black drapes. He didn’t see any signs of a female companion, but she might have been in the bathroom or something. He got up and frowned at the unfamiliar pyjama pants. _What the hell happened? Since when do I stay the night?_

“Good morning, sir.”

British, calling him sir – it was almost like being at home. Except Jarvis didn’t usually stand at the bedroom door with a breakfast platter (mainly because that was Dummy’s job).

“Um, hi. Is that for me?”

“Well unless there is someone living beneath your bed you’ve neglected to tell me about, then I don’t see who else it could be for, Master Bruce.”

“Master who?” Tony’s eyes bulged.

The old man gave him a concerned look as he laid the tray on a table. “Are you feeling alright, sir? I can call the doctor.”

Tony looked around and had a crazy idea. “No, I’m fine; I just…thank you, Alfred?”

“You’re welcome as always, Master Bruce.” The butler bowed himself out.

 _Holy fucking shit! This is impossible! Bruce Wayne is not real, and last time I checked, I was!_ Tony raced around the room checking for anything that might explain the craziness of waking up in a fictional character’s bed. The wallet on the bedside table had his ID, but the name was Bruce Wayne. There was a family photo on the wall by the door of a definite child Tony with two people he’d never seen before. _What the hell is going on?_

Tony wolfed down the breakfast as fast as possible, barely noticing it might have been the best eggs of his entire life. He approached the wardrobe cautiously, as if a Batsuit was going to fall out, but there was nothing but rows of nice expensive designer pieces. He slipped into a dark grey number and found it fit him perfectly. He wasn’t quite sure what to do first – make sure he wasn’t suffering some kind of delusion, find the others, or go play in the Batcave. He went with option C, since he was Tony Stark, but he was sure there would be some kind of impressive Batcomputer to solve the rest. Tony meandered through the dark manor, not used to being further than a whisper from his household help. He paused at the top of the stairs uncertainly.

“Alfred?”

“Yes, Master Bruce?” the old man popped out of nowhere beside him.

“God, you almost gave me a heart attack!” Tony clutched his chest. He felt the smooth muscle under his hands and panicking, searching for the arc reactor that wasn’t there.

“Are you sure you’re quite alright, sir?” Alfred gave him a doubtful look.

“Fine, fine. Do you know where I was last night?”

“I believe you attended the Gotham Hospital benefit, and then made an excursion in the Batmobile that lasted some hours. You don’t remember?”

“Uh, no. Must have been wiped out. I’m gonna head down and check on the car.”

Alfred was still looking at him like he’d lost his mind, so he didn’t dare ask for directions. He headed downstairs, hoping the entrance would just jump out at him. The study seemed like the best bet, but it took him a while to find in the huge house. He went straight to the grandfather clock, and crossing his fingers that he was in the comic world Wayne Manor, opened the glass case. He adjusted the hands until the whole clock swung forward, revealing a set of stairs leading down into darkness. As he descended floodlights clicked on, splashing flat white over the black rock of the cave. Tony ran towards the Batmobile with an actual squeal of delight and jumped in.

“Oooooh yeah. That’s the shit.” He thumbed the steering wheel.

It also ruled out the theory someone was fucking with him. _No one would go to this much effort, surely_. So he really was in some kind of reality where people thought he was Bruce Wayne. He glanced up at the blank computer screen hopefully.

“Computer?”

“Yes sir?”

“Can you do a search on Tony Stark?”

There was a whirring and a growing hum as various files flicked across the screen, too fast to make out. It went blank again and the soft female voice sounded almost sad.

“I’m sorry, there are no matching results.”

Tony felt strangely bereft. Even if in this world he got to be Batman, it was tragic to think there was no more Tony Stark.

“What about Steve Rogers? Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanov, Nick Fury, SHIELD, Dr Bruce Banner?”

More whirring and the machine spoke again. “I’m sorry, there are no matching results.”

“Virginia Pepper Potts?” he almost whispered.

“I’m sorry, there are no matching results.”

He sat in the car, feeling suddenly dejected. “Maybe this isn’t so cool after all.”

 

He pottered around the Batcave for a while, thinking of his next move. He’d been zapped into some kind of alternate reality, right, and a fictional one at that. That meant magic - and there was one usual suspect for those hijinks. Loki wouldn’t have targeted just him, which meant the others were probably in this universe too; he just had to find them. _And if I’m not me, they’re probably not either…_

The computer crackled to life again. “Incoming transmission from the Hall of Justice.”

“Ah, thanks. I’ll take it.” He wondered if he should cover his face, then realised anyone with a direct line to the Batcave probably already knew who he was.

“Hello? Tony is that you?”

Tony’s jaw dropped. “Steve! Buddy, it is good to hear your voice.”

“What the hell is going on Tony?”

“I have no idea, woke up and I was Batman. You do know who that is, right?”

There was an exasperated sigh. “I do have some understanding of pop culture. Do you know how we got like this?”

“No clue, can’t remember a thing. Where are you?”

“Hall of Justice. I woke up here. There’s a bunch of links to different people, I think I can find Tash and Clint and the others.”

“You want us to rendezvous there?”

“Think you can make it?”

Tony’s gaze drifted to the Batwing. “Oh, I think I’ll find a way.”

*****

The Hall of Justice co-ordinates were in the Batwing’s GPS, so all he had to do was suit up and enjoy the ride. _Easier said than done. What is this rubber shit?_ Steve was waiting for him as he stumbled in from the Hall’s hanger.

“Oh, of course you’re Superman.” Tony pouted.

Steve shrugged. “Hey, don’t blame me. What about you? I would have thought you’d love the gadgets.”

“Please! I make tech a hundred times more impressive than that, and I don’t need a plane to fly. I didn’t even get any special powers.”

Steve looked sheepish. “Honestly, I’m not sure they’re all that great. I crushed three door handles and I’m afraid to try and walk any faster in case the super speed kicks in.”

They walked through the corridors of the Justice League base while Steve went over his efforts to contact the other Avengers.

“So Tash and Clint are both on their way here, and Bruce just arrived, but I haven’t been able to get hold of Thor.”

Tony shook his head. “Have you realised how utterly absurd this is? We’re in the Hall of Justice. A place that doesn’t exist! You have a giant red ‘S’ on your chest!”

Steve looked down. “Yeah, it’s weird. We need to get back, cos this is probably just a ploy to keep us out of the way.”

“Well if they were hoping we’d be so excited about being superheroes we’d forget we’re _already superheroes_ , then this criminal mastermind is an idiot.”

They entered what looked like the main room, a long table surrounded by banks of computers and huge wall screens with maps and photos. Bruce sat waiting for them.

“Bruce! That’s a good look for you.”

“It’s better than green.” The scientist tugged at his bright red spandex.

“What did you do, run all the way here?” Tony slid into a chair, wincing as his outfit creaked.

“Only took thirty seconds. It’s actually given me some new ideas for possible time travel, based on the speed of ligh-”

“I’m sorry Doctor, maybe another time?” Steve cut off the beaming man.

 

There was a loud sound from above them and then the groan of the hanger doors opening.

“That’ll be Natasha. I asked her to pick up Barton on the way past.”

Tony wriggled his eyebrows. “Romanov as a Justice League girl who can fly? I’ve got a pretty good idea where this is going.”

Bruce rolled his eyes. There were footsteps in the hall and then Clint entered in a bright green Robin Hood outfit, followed by a winged Natasha.

“Seriously? Not Wonder Woman?” Tony blurted.

Natasha glared at him.

“I dunno, I always saw her more as Hawkgirl.” Bruce shrugged.

Nat glared at him. “You better not be implying anything, Flash.”

“Can I see your sparkly mace?” Tony sniggered.

“Batman? Pretty cool.” Clint came over to high five him.

“Not so much the outfit though – I’m chafing like a bitch. Who are you supposed to be?”

The archer’s eyes bugged out. “Uh, Green Arrow? Wealthy playboy Oliver Queen? Only the reason I became an archer in the first place?”

“I’m very happy for you.” Tony stifled a grin.

“Still no word on Thor?” Natasha asked, trying to sit. She didn’t quite have control of her wings yet, and they kept splaying out in the wrong directions.

“I didn’t recognise him in any of the links.” Steve pointed to a large comm screen.

Clint peered in for a closer look. “I can’t see him…wait – maybe…”

He doubled over and burst out laughing, actual tears in his eyes as he gripped the corner of the table.

“What? What is it?” Steve asked worriedly.

“I think, I think, he’s Aquaman.”

Tony chuckled evilly, and even Natasha cracked a smile. Steve just looked confused.

“So?”

“Um, where do I start?” Clint wiped his face.

“Can we get him here? It’s pretty obvious who’s behind this, and Thor is the best person to deal with him.”

“Sure Cap – I mean, Supe. I’ll tell him to haul fin.”

 

Thor answered on the first try, thoroughly confused but delighted at the way he could hold his breath and speak to the fish without getting tired. Clint managed to stop giggling long enough to direct him to the Hall, and Thor promised to be there ‘in a dolphin’s leap’. That just set Tony and Hawkeye off again. They waited a while and eventually he showed, chest almost bursting out of his tight gold-brown shirt.

“Friends! I am most perplexed by this sudden change in our appearance, though I find these outfits pleasing.”

“Some more than others.” Tasha smirked, eyes fixed on Steve’s red-covered bulge.

He coughed and placed his hand over his groin. “Any ideas how to fix this? I mean, I think we’re all suspecting Loki, but how do we find him? He might not even be in this reality.”

“There must be someone on this contacts list with as good a grasp of magic as him. What about Zatanna?” Bruce suggested.

“I don’t think we should start telling people we’re not who they know us as. We don’t want to get institutionalised.” Clint shook his head.

One of the screens on the other side of the room started flashing red, a sharp beep filtering through the Hall’s intercom. They rushed over to check it out.

“It’s some kind of distress call.” Bruce said.

“How far?” Steve asked.

“You’re not considering going, are you? It’s not for us.” Tony scoffed.

The Captain gave him a sharp look. “If someone needs help, it shouldn’t matter who we are. We can still do our job.”

“Cap, I dunno. We have no idea what’s going on. We might not be able to handle this just now.” Tash pursed her lips.

“We can’t just sit here and do nothing. Come on, I’ll carry Thor and you can take Clint again.”

“Oh jeez, what fun.” The archer sighed.

 

They flew towards the site of the disturbance, Tony in the Batwing and Bruce sprinting along below them. He seemed to be (understandably) loving the freedom from his alter ego. Tony was mildly concerned how he would react when it was time to go home. As they neared their destination, he began to notice weird stuff. Huge animals roamed the streets, lions and bears and rhinos all walking on two legs. Not far from them they could make out a glittering purple dome over an area of half-ruined buildings.

“Magic!” Bruce yelled into his comm link.

As they got closer they could see a figure standing in the centre of the street, randomly zapping people as they ran, the unlucky ones turning into beasts. Tony whistled as he got a better look.

“She is smoking!”

“Uh, Tony? Villain.” Cap reminded him.

“Yeah but look at her!”

The woman had long black curls and an incredibly slender figure, but she was tall and graceful as she flung curses. Natasha swooped down and dropped Clint on a building top. Steve landed with Thor just as Bruce came to a stop beside them while Tony circled in the Batwing.

“I can probably just nuke her from here guys.”

“Wait! She needs to turn these people back.” Steve protested.

The nearest creatures had turned on them and he hung back, hesitant to start something now he was no longer sure of his strength. Tony sighed over the mike.

“Alright. I’ll be on civilian herding patrol. You get to Miss Magic over there.”

Clint drew a handful of stun arrows from his quiver, targeting the transfigured humans closest to his teammates. Natasha pulled a long silver mace from her belt, the head sparking with electricity as she dove down to shock the animals, still a little shaky on her wings. Bruce started weaving through them, zooming straight towards the sorceress. Thor turned to Steve.

“What should I do, Man of America?”

“Uh…maybe you can stay here and make sure none wander off?”

“That does not seem difficult.” Thor frowned.

“Yeah…good luck.” Steve pushed off, shooting through the air like a dart.

He ploughed into the woman as she raised a hand to blast Bruce and they tumbled onto the asphalt. Animals turned to defend her but Bruce ran a tight circle around them, making everything outside a blur.

“You buffoon! You could have killed me!”

“You had to be stopped, ma’am,” He hauled her up and froze at the familiar face, “Loki?”

“Yes, genius.”

“So you didn’t do this?”

The god pointed down at the long flowing robes and the trim curves they clung to. “Do you think I would do this?”

“Undo the animals and we’ll talk. Looks like we’re on the same side in this.”

Loki scoffed. “Why do I need your help? You have nothing to contribute magically.”

“Just do it, okay? Or I’ll tell Stark you’re fair game.”

Loki shuddered. “I’ll undo it.”

*****

Back at the Hall, Loki sat with legs crossed primly as they all stood around the edges of the room, watching him – her – suspiciously.

“So you had nothing to do with this?”

“Nothing. I woke up in this body and have been trying to resolve it ever since.”

“Any idea how it happened?” Steve pushed.

“It’s a very complex spell. Not only have they created an entire dimension from scratch, they transferred us into it as existing characters. It would have required much time.”

“But you can get us back?” Tony nudged.

“Most likely. I tried earlier but felt some sort of presence anchoring me here, probably the rest of you. If we were brought here in one swoop, we must need to leave as one as well.”

“Okay, then do it.” Steve folded his arms over his chest.

“Are you Circe?” Tash interrupted.

The boys turned to stare at her and she blushed.

“What? I read the odd comic now and then.”

Loki looked indifferent. “I do not know your cultural figures.”

“Let’s just work on reversing the spell.” Bruce said with a wry look at each of them.

 

Loki made them sit in a circle and hold hands, Thor grumbling the whole time that he didn’t get to hit one beast.

“I much desired one of those pelts for my chambers.”

“They were people, Thor.” Clint pointed out.

“Shh. Close your eyes and think about your true selves.”

Nothing happened. Loki tsked. “I do not understand what is keeping us here!”

“Maybe there’s someone else? Like, Fury or someone?” Clint shrugged.

“Another bad guy?” Tony spun to a screen and started scanning faces for anyone familiar.

“I vote we start calling in some help now.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck.

“No! Crazy people, remember? How are we supposed to explain that this whole reality is fictional without sounding insane?” Natasha insisted.

The hangar doors creaked open and the Avengers looked at each other.

“I didn’t call anyone.” Tony pushed back from the desk innocently.

“None of us did.” Steve flexed his fingers.

They gathered to face the entrance in a defensive pose, Loki lounging in his chair apathetically. The doors swung open and a man paused, looking them over.

“Did I miss something guys?” he raised a brow.

“Green Lantern? What are you doing here?” Tony frowned.

“Heard the distress call. I see I’m late to the party though.” He nodded at Loki.

“Oh, uh, yeah. We’re questioning him-her!” Steve spluttered.

“Good. I’ll be with you in a moment. Hawkgirl, can I talk to you for a second in the hall?”

Tash looked at the muscled young superhero, mouth ajar. She could hear Clint sniggering.

“Um, sure.”

“Have fun, Tash.”

“Shut up!” she hissed.

She followed Green Lantern into the corridor and almost immediately he embraced her, lips pressed firmly to hers.

“I’ve missed you Shayera.”

Tash pushed at his chest softly. “I, uh, missed you too. Shouldn’t we get back to the interrogation?”

Green Lantern chuckled. “Always business with you. Promise me when we’re done here, you and I can have some nice, relaxing private time.”

The thrust of his hips against hers left Tasha in no doubt what kind of private time he meant. While she was as vulnerable to a well-muscled pretty boy as the next girl, she wasn’t entirely comfortable screwing a comic book character.

“You got it.” She said sunnily, avoiding the kiss he tried to plant on her in favour of running back to the main room.

“But Banner, I do not understand why Barton finds such amusement with my appearance? Is it not similar to my Asgardian armour?”

“Thor, it’s just…Aquaman, uh…he’s better in the water, you know?”

Thor frowned. “I am not sure I understand.”

“Good.” Bruce muttered.

 

“How was it?” Tony muttered as Tasha took a seat beside him.

“You’re as bad as Clint, do you know that?”

He looked wounded, clutching his chest melodramatically. “That hurts. I am much, much worse.”

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Green Lantern frowned as he took a seat at the table.

“We caught a villain, saved some people – it’s a good day.” Tony smiled.

“Look, Circe is more Diana’s thing. She should be here soon.”

“Wonder Woman? Is coming here?” Bruce wheezed.

“Uh yeah, she answered the distress call same as me. What is with everyone today?”

Almost as if on cue, they heard the hangar opening again. Tony was practically bouncing in his seat. The doors opened and Clint actually gasped quietly.

“It’s really her.”

Natasha elbowed him. “What am I, chopped liver?”

But even she was impressed by the dark-haired woman standing with her hands on her hips, intense fury on her face.

“Circe.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I suppose.”

“Now I don’t know who’s prettier.” Tony tilted his head.

Diana glared at him and he cleared his throat, sitting up.

“Why isn’t she in chains?”

“Wonder Woman, we have the situation in hand, I assure you.” Steve said.

“That is what the sorceress wants you to think.” She spat, leaning over the table with a death glare.

“Sorceress…” Loki frowned, “Perhaps…”

“What is she talking about?” Green Lantern demanded.

Thor growled warningly but luckily no one noticed.

“Quickly, join hands again. I think I know the kink in the spell.”

The Avengers automatically reached for each other but Wonder Woman slapped the table.

“Are you insane? What spell? Tell me what is going on here? Are you bewitched?”

Green Lantern held up his hand, ring pointed at Loki. “Just say the word and I’ll wrap this bitch up.”

 

Loki did something, and both Justice League members fell flat on their ass. He waved a hand over his body showily and slowly changed back into the Loki they recognised – the male one.

“Hey, why didn’t you just do that before?” Tony scoffed.

“I did not realise it was necessary. The enchantment requires us to be returned as us, which could not happen in that female form. Let us try again.”

They concentrated hard for a moment, quiet as they let Loki create the portal that would get them home. There was a sharp tug, like they’d been hooked through the guts and dragged through some kind of tunnel, wind howling in their ears.

“Everybody hold on tight!” the captain yelled.

“Almost there!” Loki replied.

They hit the ground with a lurch, half-falling as their legs cramped under them. Tony opened his eyes and whooped.

“We’re back! We’re us!” he stroked his Black Sabbath t-shirt.

“Great.” Bruce groaned.

“Jarvis? Pepper?” Tony ran around the lounge room of Stark Tower, “I missed you guys!”

“Now we just have to figure out who did that.” Clint stretched out his hands.

“I have a very good idea. The spell signature…I shall deal with her.” Loki grimaced.

“Wait-” Steve started, but the god had already disappeared.

“Her?” Thor frowned.

*****

She was curled on her lounge eating popcorn, laughing at the confusion on the Avengers’ faces. They were so adorable, playing at being their idols as they tried to fight without hurting anyone. There was the sound of soft footsteps and she looked up.

“Morgan. You look well.”

“Oh no, just make yourself at home.” She scowled.

Loki sauntered closer. “An amusing jest, I take it?”

“Stark was especially hilarious. He sulked like a child.”

“And I was included because?...”

She smiled sweetly. “Well I had to give them some way back. It would be no fun if they were stuck there forever.”

Thin fingers like steel suddenly closed around her throat. “I do not appreciate being used, Morgan.”

She slammed him with a wave of power, making him release her to keep his balance. “Don’t you? Funny, you never objected before.”

“Just leave me out of your schemes in the future.” He said icily.

“No promises,” The enchantress smirked, “You looked so edible as a girl.”

He bowled her over but she just laughed, clasping a hand to the cheek he’d struck. When she picked herself up off the floor, Loki was gone. _A very amusing jest_ , she chuckled, _Now to get started on the next one_.

 

Tony put his feet up on the couch with a sigh of satisfaction.

“Glad to be back?” Clint asked.

“I felt kinda naked without my tech. The Bat stuff was cool and all, but seriously less fun.”

“I miss the big pointy stun baton.” Tasha pouted.

“Yeah, the added bonus of electrocuting people while you bash their heads in.” Hawkeye snickered.

“How bout I make you one of your very own?” Tony wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“That would be great, Stark.”

Captain Steve drifted over to where Bruce was sitting alone at the kitchen island.

“You okay big guy?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll be fine. Just…”

“Miss not having to worry so much?”

He nodded with a rueful smile. “I wouldn’t have minded if we never came back, not really.”

Steve patted his shoulder. “People need you here too. You’re still a hero.”

 

“So Thor, was it weird seeing your brother all…busty?” Tony pointed at his chest as Tash elbowed him.

The thunder god shrugged. “He used to do it all the time when we were younger. It was one of his favourite tricks.”

He looked up and found several silent Avengers staring at him in wonder or horror, or in Tony’s case intrigue.

“What is wrong, friends?”

Tony raised a brow. “No, you know what? I changed my mind. I don’t want to know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony throws a party and a certain sexy character catches his eye...

Tony tapped his fingertips together, swivelling in his chair. According to the clock he had 236 seconds before he could get out of here and check on his latest suit, but Pepper looked like she was in no hurry to quit blabbering on.

“So what do you think, Tony?”

“Hmm? Uh yeah, great.”

She sighed. “You weren’t listening to a word I said, were you?”

“Not exactly. Give me the summary.”

“Stark Industries’ annual employee party – what theme?”

“Oh, you should have said it was something fun. Ah, okay, theme...theme, theme, theme. Me?”

“That’s not a theme, Tony.”

“It could be!”

“Try again.”

“Okay, not me, but what about superheroes and villains?”

She made a face but nodded. “Alright. You’re not allowed to come in your actual armour though.”

Tony smiled. “Oh, I know exactly what I’m coming as. And I’m gonna recruit the others.”

*****

The Stark Industries main foyer looked like it had been decorated by a child – a very efficient stylish child, but a child all the same. The entire place was hung with fantastically bright colours, huge logos projected on the wall. As Steve walked through the crowd he could see half a dozen Batmans and Supermans, not to mention about a hundred Iron Mans with suits that may or may not be functional. He reached the group of real Avengers standing next to costumed ones and smiled.

“Hey guys.”

“Oh my god, Steve – I totally didn’t recognise you with the bald cap!” Pepper grinned behind her mask.

“Lex Luthor at your service ma’am.” He grinned, straightening his pin-striped suit.

He looked around the rest of the group, admiring their costumes. Nat was stunning in bright green as Poison Ivy, talking to Darcy who’d shimmied her way into a skin-tight Catwoman suit, goggles pushed back on her head. Bruce’s makeup was honestly the best he’d seen all evening, the scientist’s face burned away on one side, his hair half white and clothes bisected to match. Clint walked over with a glass in each hand, also in a suit, his skin a dull red. Steve frowned.

“Who are you supposed to be?”

The archer gaped. “Ah, Brick? Green Arrow’s nemesis and crime lord king of Star City? Geez guys, read a decent comic.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t get into it with him,” Nat murmured, “He’s been touchy since we got here.”

A man in thick white face paint and a purple suit wandered into the group and stopped as if shocked. His hair was electric green and lips perfectly red like a doll.

“No! My archenemy, the Batgirl!” he pointed to Pepper, cackling hysterically.

“Tony, cut it out. It wasn’t funny the first time.”

“Where’s Thor?” the Joker straightened up, looking around for a tall blond.

“Ah...” Darcy tried before bursting into giggles, “He’s over there.”

Jane was leading Thor through the crowd towards them, blushing in a tight black suit that looked a lot like Nat’s. Bruce shot Natasha a look.

“Those aren’t your actual Widow’s Bites, are they?”

“Of course not. Jane’s way too big of a spaz to be trusted with tasers.”

“Unlike me!” Darcy chirped.

Tony bent over double, laughing so hard he almost choked. “Oh god, high five for whoever convinced him to wear that!”

Clint grinned. “It was actually pretty easy. He liked the cane.”

“Friends!”

The others bit their lips or snorted as Thor bounded up in a Lycra neon green body suit twirling a gold cane with a question mark on top.

“Thor! That’s a great costume.” Bruce snickered.

“Guess who I am, Banner!”

“Um...the Questioner?”

“No.”

“Puzzleman?” Darcy tried.

“No.”

“The Brainteaser?” Tony blurted.

“Ha, no! I am the Riddler!”

“Wait, shouldn’t you have said that in a riddle?” Clint chuckled.

“You are right!” Thor frowned, “I shall think of one.”

“And you look great, Jane.” Pepper laid a hand on her arm warmly.

“Thanks. It’s um, it’s not my usual sort of outfit.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Clint shrugged.

Darcy clapped her hands. “Alright! Let the contest begin.”

“What contest?” Pepper looked at her worriedly.

“We’re going to count all the people in Avengers costumes and see who has the most impersonators.” Tony explained.

“Which I maintain is totally unfair! It’s obviously going to be Tony – all his tech geniuses are sucking up to him.” Clint pouted.

“Now now, don’t be sour just because there are no Hawkeyes.”

“There are too.”

“I’m sure there are a couple.” Darcy patted his shoulder.

“Thanks Lewis. Gonna come help me count?”

“You bet.”

 

They spread out through the party. Tony was drifting from Iron Man to Iron Man, inspecting the quality of their suits and making suggestions when he spotted a dark-haired woman standing by the punch. She wore a top hat and a tuxedo jacket with white gloves and black bottoms that left her long legs completely exposed. Tony bit back a growl of appreciation and wended his way over, leaning on the table beside her.

“I may be the Clown King of Crime, but not knowing your name seems like my biggest offence right now.”

“I’m sure you know your cartoons well enough.” She smirked.

“Zatanna?”

“The magician, yes.” She twiddled her fingers at him.

“Alright but just so we’re clear, they’re not cartoons, okay? Cartoons are for children, comics are for awesome people.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so,” he smirked, “Would you like to dance?”

“I don’t think so,” she shook her head at the people swinging about on the floor, “It looks a touch dangerous.”

“How about we sit down then? Talk a little?”

“Mr Joker, you didn’t walk across the room to _talk_ to me.”

“Well maybe not at first-”

“So why don’t we cut to the chase?”

“Wow, direct. I like that in a magician,” Tony raised his brow, “Your glass is empty.”

Zatanna pressed a hand lightly to his chest and felt the inventor’s heart beat a little faster, “Should we get another?”

“Not here,” Tony shook his head, “The last thing I need is a public indecency charge.”

“Do you feel you’re about to be indecent?”

“Call it a hunch.”

 “Let’s go somewhere without so many spectators.”

She held out a hand. Tony’s eye slid over her from head to toe, lingering over her curves. _Hell yes_. He took the hand and kissed it.

“You lucked out, Miss Magic. I know every private nook of this place.”

He led her through the party, keeping his head down to avoid anyone noticing Tony Stark was bailing on his own shindig. They headed down a corridor and up some fire stairs to an empty office not far from Pepper’s. Tony swiped his access card in the lock and waved her in.

“My lady?”

The second the door closed behind them she was on him, almost hanging from the engineer’s neck as she smashed their lips together. Tony gave in to her dominance for a second before taking back control, lifting her against the door. She wrapped her legs around the billionaire and dug her fingers into his scalp, gasping as he ran his nose along her neck.

 

Tony turned with her still in his arms, stumbling over to a long couch and lowering her to the cushions. She brushed her hips against his growing erection, groaning at the responding hiss. Her hands roamed over Tony’s, feeling the strength there. He growled and pressed her further into the couch. She slid a hand between them and touched the bulge in his suit, curving her fingers around it firmly. Tony thrust involuntarily, forehead knocking against Zatanna’s brow. He ripped open her jacket, baring the black bustier underneath, and scrambled for the top of her pants.

“How do you get these damn things off?”

They disappeared under his fingers and Tony stopped, sitting up.

“What the hell?”

“Magic.” She winked, lips curling.

Tony looked harder at those very green eyes, the dark hair, the somehow familiar curves. He gasped, rocketing off the couch.

“You’re Loki! Oh my god, you’re Loki!”

She laughed. “Very good, Tony.”

“What are you doing? Here, at my party, dressed like, like, like _that_!”

“It sounded like a fun night. I didn’t want to miss out.”

“And _kissing_ me!” Tony made a face, “You were all making the ‘let’s get out of here’ argument!”

“You didn’t object.”

“Well I’m objecting now!”

Loki sat up, draping his (her) arms around Tony’s neck. “Come now. Is this such a terrible form?”

“The bod’s fine, it’s the genocidal maniac inside I have a problem with.”

“I’m not Loki tonight, as you are not Tony Stark. We are characters, yes?”

“I don’t think the others will accept that as a good reason for this insanity.”

“Why should we tell the others?”

Tony gave him a sceptical look. “Like you’re not gonna run out there and tell them exactly how clever you are, tricking me.”

Loki leaned back on his (her) elbows. “Why should I? It would only decrease the chances of this happening again.”

“This isn’t happening again! This isn’t happening _now_.”

“Oh Tony, don’t be so stiff. Be the villain for once.”

Tony bit his lip. This was a catastrophic idea, probably a trap or a nice precursor to blackmail and/or humiliation. _But Loki as a girl? Motherfucking hot_. And okay, yeah, maybe he’d thought about it once or twice since their little adventure in Comic Land. And if no one else found out...

Loki trailed a soft hand over Tony’s chest and he closed his eyes. _Fuck it. I’ve done worse_.

*****

 “Hey guys, what did I mess?” Tony jogged over.

Natasha took one look at his smeared makeup and her brows shot up. “Stark, you’ve got a smudge.”

“And your fly’s down.” Darcy snickered.

“Shut it, Lewis. Who won the contest?”

“You’re not going to believe it.” Bruce shook his head mournfully.

“What, the Cap? That guy’s got people who have been fans longer than I’ve been alive, totally impossible to beat.”

“No. It’s Thor.”

“What!” Tony gaped.

“Apparently all-powerful Norse gods are in right now.”

The inventor cleared his throat quickly. “Well, I can see how that might happen.”

A lithe figure in a Zatanna costume caught his eye from across the room and waved before vanishing into nothing.

“Totally understandable.”

“Hey Tony!” Pepper smiled brightly as she walked over, “Where’d you disappear to?”

“No one! I mean nowhere. I’ve been...around.”

“Tony found some floozy Wonder Woman.” Darcy smirked.

“I did not!” he gasped in mock outrage.

Thor rushed over, puffing heavily. The sight of his broad chest heaving in the Lycra only made Darcy smile harder.

“Friends, I have grave news.”

“What’s wrong?” Bruce frowned.

“Loki was here.”

“Loki?” Clint looked around quickly, “Where?”

“Are you sure it was actually Loki? Could have been a costume.” Nat’s eyes narrowed.

“I sense his presence. It’s faint though...wrong somehow...” he screwed up his face in though.

“Okay!” Tony cut off that thought before Thor could expand, “Let’s keep our eyes open in case he’s been working some mischief, yeah?”

“Good plan.” Clint nodded, peeling away.

The others separated, scanning the room. Tony grabbed Thor’s slippery shoulder and dragged his head down.

“Hey, how are you going with your riddles?”

“Only tolerably well. Your English has none of the finesse of the Asgardian tongue.”

“How about I give you some hints?”

Thor’s eyes lit up. “Well met, Stark! What do you suggest?”

Tony groaned internally. _If helping Thor think up riddles is the price to distract him from ‘sensing’ his brother, it’s totally worth it._

*****

Tony staggered into his bedroom with a hiccough, flinging himself face first on the bed.

“Sir, might I suggest washing your face? That makeup will not agree with your linen.”

“Jarvis, hush. I’ll just buy new linen.”

He crawled up the bed, rolling onto his back. Tony closed his eyes but something bright shone through the lids, and he blinked, looking at the bedside table. A small glowing blue stone sat atop a note. He focused through the champagne haze, brain laboriously making out the words.

_A pleasant diversion, Mr J. Let me know next time the mood strikes you._

Tony collapsed back on the bed with a heavy groan. What had he been thinking? Of course Loki wasn’t going to leave it alone.

But he fell asleep with the note in his hand all the same.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony might just take Loki up on that offer

Tony definitely wasn’t thinking about Loki. Nope, absolutely no way he was sitting in his giant bath with a rum and coke, staring out the window and thinking about Loki. It was inconceivable. It was stupid. It was treasonous.

He wasn’t thinking about full lips or raven tendrils stuck together with sweat.

He wasn’t thinking about trim hips and positively jaw-dropping breasts.

He wasn’t thinking about long slender legs or quick tongues or hands that threatened to crush him in their desperate grasp - oh crap.

He had a totally _non_ -Loki-related boner.

Tony put down his glass and dunked himself under the water to try and clear his head. This was completely absurd. It had been a mistake to ever touch the god in the first place but to be obsessing over it now? It had to be magic. Loki had cast some spell to make him a helpless sex slave, that was it, and he just needed to resist.

The not-for-Loki boner twitched and Tony clenched his jaw. _Resist_.

The funny thing was it was hard not to think about the liesmith when he kept turning up _fucking everywhere_. Since the party their battles with Loki had become more frequent and yet less serious, at least in Tony’s mind. Before it had been all alien invasions and attempted defenestration, and now it was turning Steve into a bunny for 24 hours and making all the water in the Tower bright green. Sue him for thinking it, but Loki just wasn’t very scary at the moment.

Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t stop thinking about girl-Loki. He’d forgotten that the Asgardian was a bad guy. Or maybe Tony just had a massive thing for femme fatales and secret sex. Either way it was very, very bad.

It didn’t matter. Even if he wanted to take the god up on his offer of more sexy fun times, he didn’t know how to get the message across. Tony would just have to be content with his non-Loki fantasies and lots and lots of rum.

*****

There was an event at Stark Tower for one of the many charities helping repair the damage wrought by the Battle of New York. Since the Avengers had inadvertently and unwillingly caused a lot of that damage, Fury had them all helping out. Good press, he’d said. Tony just liked any excuse to throw a party.

He was at the bar (of course) watching Clint and Natasha lurk in the corner of the room while Steve talked to a reporter. Jane and Thor were dancing and he couldn’t contain a smile as he watched them. They were cute together, Jane trying not to get her feet crushed as she explained the steps.

“Why are you over here by your lonesome, Stark?” Darcy elbowed him, “There are like a hundred gorgeous women dying for a twirl with the legendary Iron Man.”

“I’m not here to dance, Darce. This is work.”

“If it’s work it’s the kind I like.” She tipped back a flute of champagne.

“Tony,” Pepper came up on his other side, “It’s time for the fireworks.”

“Right.”

He made his way to the stage and tapped the mike as the music died and a large projector screen rolled down behind him.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming and giving both your time and money so generously. We’re all very grateful for the way the city’s really come together after this terrible event. Your support means a lot.”

The crowd applauded politely.

“And now that the boring serious stuff is out of the way, let me present our main attraction!”

He took a remote out of his pocket and hit play. A giant exterior view of the Tower appeared on the screen.

“Mr Stark?” a voice said through his earpiece, “We’re ready up here.”

“Fire away.”

There was a bang overhead as the first firework went off, its green and gold sparks exploding out on the video. Tony’s guests cheered and clapped with awe as he left the stage. The Tower was surrounded by glistening bursts of light and colour, the boom softened by the walls between them. Tony made it as far as the Avengers before turning to watch.

“Green and gold? Your colour is red.” Clint raised a brow.

“Don’t ask me, Barton. I had nothing to do with colour choice.”

The archer shrugged and continued to watch. Jarvis spoke low in Tony’s ear.

“Sir, your visitor is in the penthouse.”

“One second guys, I’m gonna check with Pep that we’re all good.”

He pushed his way through the room to the elevators and got in, the car speeding towards the top of the Tower. The doors opened and Tony stepped out. The long windows here gave a much better view of the display, the noise loud now. A figure stood silhouetted by the flashing light in the middle of the room, eyes turned outside.

“I like the tux, Stark.”

“What about my version of a Bat-signal? I figured it was clever enough to lure you in.”

Loki turned, hair loose in long feminine waves. He wore an evening gown in a deep emerald, the neckline cutting across pale shoulders. It flared out to the floor, showing off those miraculous curves.

“I appreciate the effort. I take it you didn’t bring me here to chat?”

Tony bit his lip and moved closer. “Not exactly.”

Loki reached a hand up behind him and undid the zip of the dress, letting it fall to the floor. Completely naked he walked towards the bedroom, pausing in the doorway.

“Well?”

Tony almost fell over himself trying to catch up.

*****

The fireworks trick was too obvious to work twice so Tony had to wait until their next run-in with the god. Loki was on top of the Brooklyn Bridge turning cars into horses, swinging his legs happily. The Avengers stood on the Manhattan side deciding on their plan of attack.

“Clint, I want you on that building giving us cover. Nat and I will try to stop the traffic heading towards him, give us all some space. Bruce, you’ll be held in reserve in case we need you. Thor, how ‘bout you fly up there and see if you can get him to turn them all back. Tony will cover you.”

“No offence Cap, but Loki doesn’t exactly listen to Thor,” Tony rolled his eyes inside the suit, “Maybe I should try talking to him.”

“What makes you think you can do any better?” Clint sneered.

“I’m not the older sibling who’s been bossing him around since birth?”

“Good point. Alright, Tony will try talking to him first, but don’t antagonise him.”

“No promises.” He took off, soaring towards the lone figure sitting on the bridge.

He could hear Thor take off and land some distance away as he sped up to the top of the arch and stopped, flipping up his faceplate.

“Hey. Mind giving us back our crazy automobiles? Some people have better things to do with their time than wait for you to finish this weird-ass magical tantrum.”

“Tony, don’t antagonise him!” Steve sighed through the comms.

“Do not concern yourself, Stark. They will switch back of their own accord in time.”

“Can we speed it up?”

“Why?’ Loki raised a brow, “Did you have plans?”

“Jarvis, mute comms,” he leaned in, “My schedule’s free. What about you?”

Thor frowned as Loki waved a hand and reversed the spell, the resulting traffic pileup completely blocking the bridge. Tony zoomed back to lower the god down to help.

“What did you say to him?”

“I reasoned with him, prankster to prankster.”

*****

After that Tony gave him a Starkphone and insisted Loki keep it on him for calls of the booty persuasion. He was in the middle of an incredibly boring SI board meeting when a random thought popped into his head. He opened his phone under the table, though from Pepper’s glare it wasn’t as subtle as he thought.

_You wanna meet tonight?_

_I shall be at the Tower at eleven._

_Think you could do me a favour?_

There was a long pause before he got the reply.

_What kind of favour?_

_A dressing up favour._

There was an even longer pause.

_Name your desire, Stark._

_You might have to look it up._

At eleven Tony walked into his bedroom to find Loki sprawled over his bed in red trench and matching hat, his hair a deep chestnut instead of the usual black.

“I do not understand who this ‘Carmen Sandiego’ woman is.”

“She’s a criminal mastermind.”

Loki smirked. “Then I approve.”

*****

The first time Darcy walked in on Tony bending over some chick who looked like Morticia Addams, she squealed and slammed the door.

“Lock your shit, dude!”

“Learn to knock!”

 

The second time was someone who looked like the schoolgirl assassin from _Kill Bill_ , and she had to give minor props for that before making a noise of disgust and running away.

 

The third time she caught him in his workshop with a Van Helsing Kate Beckinsale lookalike she just stood there with a scornful glare.

“Jesus Tony, are you working your way through the entire range of slutty Halloween costumes?”

“Darce, get out or get over here – those are your options.”

“I did not say I would share.” The corseted woman scowled.

“Sorry, scratch that. Just get out.”

“With pleasure.” She stormed off.

Loki looked up at him suspiciously. “Do you require these costumes because the reality of who I am offends you?”

“Uhhhhhhh...yes? Is that a problem?”

“Not particularly.”

“Awesome. Now, have you ever seen a movie called _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_?”

*****

Thor’s head snapped up as he entered the communal kitchen.

“Loki has been here.”

Technically he was Princess Leia at the time, Tony thought. He raised his brows as the other Avengers looked up at the god, breakfast frozen halfway to their mouths.

“Jarvis, full security scan!”

“Emergency alert! Call SHIELD!”

Tony pulled out his phone.

_Sorry Pep, not gonna make it for that meeting. Crisis at the Tower. Bummer._

This was not such a bad thing.

 

“Loki has been here!”

The Avengers movie night devolved into a panicked scouring of the halls and Tony stole the popcorn bowl, moving into a better seat.

 _Sorry Pep, can’t do that trip to DC tomorrow. Loki sighting_.

 

Thor stopped in the doorway to Tony’s workshop and wafted the air around him tentatively.

“Loki has-”

“No buddy, uh uh, not today.” Tony clamped a hand over his mouth.

“But Stark-”

“You’ve made that statement fourteen times this week and none of them were true. We’re not tearing my workshop apart on a whim.”

The god grumbled and stomped away. Tony closed the door with a sigh.

Loki stepped out from behind a workbench. “What an idiot.”

“Guess that makes two of us.”

*****

“Hey guys, have you noticed anything about Tony lately?”

Clint frowned at Darcy over his cards. “Like what? Hit me.”

Bruce dealt him another card and slid the deck back onto the felt.

“He’s seeing some tramp.”

“Tony sees lots of tramps.” Natasha shrugged, laying down her hand.

“But this is the same one every time.”

Bruce raised a brow. “You’re sure?”

“I’ve walked in on them enough to know that a) they’re doin’ it like bunnies all over this goddamn places, b) Tony has an odd fetish for costumes and c) it’s always the same chick.”

Nat and Clint exchanged a glance.

“Describe her.”

 

“Loki has been here.” Thor muttered to himself, well aware by now that no one really cared what he thought on the matter.

Nat’s eyes pricked up though. She looked over in time to catch Tony glaring at Thor resentfully and smirked.

“Stark, you think you and your girlfriend could refrain from violating every surface of the shared living space?”

“What girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend.” He spluttered.

“Well I’m not sure how magical genderswaps work, but I guess you’re technically right.”

Five heads raised at the same time. “What?!”

 

Loki appeared in Tony’s room, svelte figure wrapped in a tight brown leather bodice and skirt. Tony looked up from the edge of the bed with an odd smile.

“What is the matter Stark? Is this not the Warrior Princess you requested?”

“They know.”

Loki pressed his lips together flatly. “Thor.”

“Yep.”

“Then I must go before they spring whatever trap they’re planning.”

“There isn’t one.”

“What?” he quirked a brow.

“They said they didn’t care. That you’ve been much better behaved lately and whatever we’re doing is our business.”

The god stared at him as if he’d gone soft in the head. “You do not really believe that?”

“They seemed pretty relaxed about it.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you wish to cease these encounters then? Since they no longer hold the thrill of the forbidden.”

“Actually I was thinking we could do away with the outfits.”

“You would lie with just me?”

“Why not?”

“We are enemies.”

“Not really.”

Loki pouted but Tony could tell he knew it was true.

“I was quite fond of some of these characters.”

He smiled. “Well maybe we won’t get rid of the costumes completely...”

Loki smiled and sank into Tony’s lap.

“Will you pledge your allegiance to Xena, mortal fool?”

“You’ll have to persuade me.”

“I have many skills.”


End file.
